Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Age Ain't Nothing but a number


All jokes aside, I'm not doing too bad for 28.  But seriously, did you ever think this exact thought?  Is it because you grow up thinking that you'll get married when your mom did and start having kids when your mom did because that's what I thought.  I think my mom had me when she was 28!  But here I am still looking for Mr. Right and just finding Mr. Forgot to call me back and getting ready to be an aunt when my YOUNGER sister is married and pregnant.  And when I tell my mom that I'm going to end up an old maid she gets mad.  But hey, the old lady on the old maid cards ain't soooooo bad, right?

But I digress, I guess it's all relative really.  According to http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/how-do-you-measure-success/  it's all about knowing what success means to you.  

I wanted to graduate with a journalism degree from Temple and I did.  Success!  I wanted to write for the Philadelphia Daily News and I did.  Success!  I wanted to get into fitness one day.  Success!  Thanks to Zumba Fitness and a host of other reasons, I did that too.

I guess it's just that I'll set some nice fancy new goals.  I just hope I'm not still single by the time I'm 30

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

The Best of Both Worlds

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/49153690/ns/today-style/

Check out this article from MSNBC on a new salon in New York that offers the best of both worlds to busy women.

Don't feel like clicking?  Because you're busy?  No worries.  To sum up, it's a new salon in New York City that is set up so that you can get simultaneous beauty maintenance all at once.  Sometimes we, as women, like to spend all day pampering ourselves.  You know, mani/pedi, then a root touch up and a massive blowout, or waxing, then a facial and a massage.

This salon has a set up where you can get your nails done while you're getting your hair done.  So by the time the stylist sprays that last mist of hairspray your french tips will be ready to take on the world.

What do you think about this set up?  Would you go for it?

Friday, September 7, 2012

Seriously who has time to write an email like this?

The below email was an actual email sent to me last week by a potential psycho, errr, suitor online.


Hey miss america, Sorry i wasnt pretty enough in my pics for a model type like you LMFAO Well your loss, trust me, easy to see why your single and
let me
guess you been on here for what atleast a year I bet?? thinkin your too good for anyone, waiting on a male model or prince
charming
who doesnt exist to email you, but i hear male models and famous men date average lookin slightly over weight ...
near 40 yr old women haha, and i
hear the
longer you stay on this site the better chance youll find your out of your league dream man(you know the man all you crazy pof women
wants
but no actual human is) hahahahahaah....well enjoy your life growing old on pof, hope your gettin the attention you joined here
for princess,
must be tough being so damn hot, please let me know what month you'll be on the cover of Cosmo. Ok? I guess cuddling with pof on
your
laptop at night in bed instead of a good man is worth the wait for the man that matches you crazy women and your insane unrealistic
must have
lists for a man lmao. Yet all women want is a good man huh yeah ok, Good luck fat ass..ps join a gym hun
 
Seriously dude?  I'm going to be on the cover of cosmo in December when your cold dead heart will be aching for some warmth of a person with feelings.
 
And this is why I'm taking a nice long extended break from online dating.... Where are the nice guys?
 

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

He's Just Not That Into You...


With rejection in my love life and rejection in my work life, Today's topic is he's just not that into you.

In general, I am a person that needs answers, it's the journalist in me I guess, so when I don't have answers or when something doesn't make sense, it frustrates the hell out of me even more.  When a potential employer emails me and says we went in another direction that's all fine and good but why?

When a guy doesn't call you back, that's all fine and good but why?

In the best-selling book, He's Just Not That Into You, by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tucillo, one of the "rules" if you will is, "He's Just Not That Into You if he's not calling you."  Great.... but again why?

According to EHarmony.com, the top three reasons that men don't call you back are

1. Some men are too immature to be straightforward with a woman
2. They thought they were being polite by getting your number even though they didn't feel like calling
3. They lost your number or forgot to call (Yeah, right!)

I forget where I read this but I think there is actually a website where you can send a date a form asking him why he didn't call you back or ask you out again.

I personally think this is a great idea and could be used for both romantic and work related ventures.

How about something like this?

Dear (Insert Date's name here or Employer's name here)

I had a great date/interview.  But you have declined to call back.  Which is just fine but I'd love to know what I could do better next time to receive a job/second date offer.

Please list three things I could improve on for next time.

Thank you.

In closing,

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Baby Got Back...

Ok well not that kind of back. 

I'm talking about your actual back.  Since I've been waking up feeling like an 80 year old lady every morning with back pain, I figured I'd write this post.  My official diagnosis is lateral listhesis which is a disc that has slipped out of line to the side of the spine.  In my case it's on my left side.  I have an amazing chiropractor who I may have to go see ahead of my scheduled appointment next week but I'm fascinated by the difference between medicine and chiropractic care.  When I first had these issues arise, I went to my medical doctor who told me to lie flat and not move and prescribed pain pills and muscle relaxers.  Don't get me wrong I am not faulting my doctor, she's certainly helped me with other medical issues over the years but when I sought the help of my chiropractor, she adjusted me, had an MRI taken, and told me to move as much as I could even if it was just a short walk.  Guess which one worked better.  I still have issues from time to time but certainly not like before.

Did you know that according to the American Chiropractic Association that
- One-half of all working Americans admit to having back pain symptoms each year.

  • Back pain is one of the most common reasons for missed work. In fact, back pain is the second most common reason for visits to the doctor’s office, outnumbered only by upper-respiratory infections.
  • Most cases of back pain are mechanical or non-organic—meaning they are not caused by serious conditions, such as inflammatory arthritis, infection, fracture or cancer.
  • Americans spend at least $50 billion each year on back pain—and that’s just for the more easily identified costs.
  • Experts estimate that as many as 80% of the population will experience a back problem at some time in our lives.

  • Just in case you suffer from some sort of back pain like I do and if you don't think Chiropractic care is for you here are some tips recommended by the ACA to reduce back pain.

    Tips to Prevent Back Pain
    • Maintain a healthy diet and weight.
    • Remain active—under the supervision of your doctor of chiropractic.
    • Avoid prolonged inactivity or bed rest.
    • Warm up or stretch before exercise or other physical activities.
    • Maintain proper posture.
    • Wear comfortable, low-heeled shoes
    • Sleep on a mattress of medium firmness to minimize any curve in your spine.
    • Lift with your knees, keep the object close to your body, and do not twist when lifting.
    • Quit smoking.  Smoking impairs blood flow, resulting in oxygen and nutrient deprivation to spinal tissues.
    • Work with your doctor of chiropractic to ensure that your computer workstation is ergonomically correct.

    Monday, July 30, 2012

    On hold......

    I'm on hold as I'm writing this and thinking about all the things one can do while on hold.  With this particular company who shall remain nameless as to protect its guilt I have done the following...

    1. Drove home from my zumba class, went to dinner with my best friend, ate, had dessert, drove home and was about to give up and get in the shower but they finally answered.  Total hold time: 2 hours.

    I'm still on hold presently, they just thanked me for holding.  I bit my tongue to refrain from cursing at them.

    2. Woke up, brushed my teeth, washed my face, made coffee, drank said coffee, put on makeup, did my hair, got dressed, ate breakfast.  Total hold time: 1 hour 30 minutes.

    I'm still on hold presently.  They are playing terrible music.  Here's a thought, maybe something relaxing to listen to so I refrain from getting more irritated when you do finally get on the phone.

    3.  Watched a two hour movie.  I refrained from watching anything with gratuitous violence so as not to incite further anger within myself when they finally picked up the phone.

    I'm still on hold, starting to get hungry....

    My suggestions for reducing hold times for this particular company...

    1. Hire more people
    2. Hire faster and/or nicer people
    3. Don't have a busy signal for the first five hours of your day
    4. Play music that you might hear in the spa and not in an elevator.
    5. Hire more people.

    I'm still on hold...  I'll talk to you around dinner time.

    Thursday, April 26, 2012

    A piece I am working on...


    I always thought that Jonathan Bradley was the lovable goof type of the group.  He never had goals, was recklessly spontaneous, and late for everything but a blast to hang out with so it was always like none of those other flaws existed.   Plus, he was my friend’s boyfriend and then ex, not the type of guy you’d expect to turn into a date rapist.

    My name is Jenny Burgos and I was raped.

    I became friends with Sam when I was still in high school, I’m 30 now.  We waited tables together at this little coffee shop in Yonkers and started hanging out after work.  She was loud and funny, something I was instantly drawn to because I was always scared to say what I felt.  We would go to the beach, get our nails done, watch movies, go to parties, dinners.  She was single for the very beginning of our friendship, something  I would learn was a rarity, you see Sam was one of those girls that didn’t like to be alone; monkey arms as they say, always swinging from one relationship to the next.  She didn’t even tell me she’d started dating Jonathan.  We just went to a party at his house one night and when we left and she kissed him goodbye, I asked about him.

    “Oh yeah, we’re together,” Sam said casually.  I was giddy for her, like any good girlfriend and that night began what would years later turn into my worst nightmare.

    Over the next couple of years, my friendship with Sam progressed as any normal friendship would.  She made me a part of her family, literally.  I would kiss and hug her mom and dad, attend family parties and holidays, and was treated like a second daughter.  She welcomed me into her group of friends as well.  She and Jonathan went to high school together and were friends with all of the same people.  They instantly became my friends and we all lived happily ever after, for the time being.  After cheating on Jonathan with his best friend Vinny of course all unbeknownst to Jonathan, they broke up.  Sam blamed it on him and his immaturity, which was true, but once you cheat on someone it’s hard to keep a relationship going.  She said it was an amiable split, that she didn’t want to stop being Jonathan’s friend, and it worked for awhile but Jonathan and Vinny couldn’t be in the same room together.  When they were it was trouble.

    But Sam didn’t care that I stayed friends with Jon.  And at the time I needed a friend.  Jon was my escape from the physical and emotional abuse that I’d been exposed to at home.  Looking back on it now, I hate that I’d hang out with him and drown my sorrows in alcohol, especially because alcoholism runs in my family, but it was my way of surviving.  Jon would always come on to me all those times we’d be out and I always said I wasn’t interested because Sam was my friend.  Even though I dated Vinny for a short time while she was with Jon, it wasn’t right and regardless, I wasn’t interested.  He kept pushing though and I’d have to threaten that we couldn’t be friends anymore.  He’d say he would stop and he would, but only for a short period of time.  I wish I had told Sam back when she was with him, about the time he even came onto me then.  Once a piece of garbage, always a piece of garbage.

    I was supposed to go out with a guy I had been seeing the night I was raped.  Instead I accepted a last minute house sitting job and was just settling in for the night and I was lonely so I called Jon.  He was with his family and said he’d be over soon so I poured myself another glass of wine and waited.  He came over soon after I called him, something that to this day I will never forget.  Opening that big mahogany door and seeing his face.  That was the last time that the sight of him didn’t send fear coursing through my body.  We were just hanging out watching TV for most of the night.  I was doing a load of laundry and he picked up a guitar that was in the family room.  I sat down after folding my last load of clothes.  He reached over and tried to kiss me but I backed off.

    “What are you doing?” I yelled at him.

    He didn’t even say anything.  He just pushed me further down on the couch.  His 6 foot 3 lanky frame felt like it was pushing a 1000 pounds right on my chest.  “What is happening to me?” I thought.

    I must have blacked out after that because the next thing I remember I was naked outside being raped on a lawn chair.  I opened my eyes and all I remembered seeing was the outline of moon in the night sky.  He was raping me and I couldn’t move, I was frozen in fear, humiliated, degraded.   When he was done, he pulled me into the house, limp and naked.  I sat on the couch crying, sobbing.

    “Put your clothes back on, stop crying, it’s going to be okay,” he snarled.

    It wasn’t okay, he made me a victim that night. 

    “The condom broke,” Jonathan said.   I couldn’t even comprehend the words that were coming out of his mouth. 

    I couldn’t be pregnant with my rapist’s baby.

    As soon as I processed those words I ran upstairs, jumped in the shower with all my clothes on.  I had to get him off of me.  I scrubbed myself raw, my tears mixing with the scalding hot water.  I couldn’t rinse away what he’d done.

    I woke up the next morning, in my cousin’s bed, my clothes in a wet rumpled heap next to me, my hair matted to my tear stained face.  I was sick as soon as I woke up, nauseous and vomiting, every muscle and bone in my body felt like it had been run over by a tractor trailer.  I dragged myself over to the computer and started looking up places that I could buy the morning after pill.  Most of the night was fuzzy, a blur of unconsciousness, but that part I clearly remembered.  As soon as I realized, I could get it from my local pharmacy no questions asked, I walked downstairs to look for my car keys so I could go.

    He slept over.

    That piece of garbage slept over in my family’s house after he raped me.  I rushed around frantically looking for my keys.  Just as I was almost out the door without him waking up, he opened one eye.

    “Where are you going?” he asked.

    “To get the morning after pill,” I replied.

    Expressionless, he turned over and fell back asleep.

    Getting the pills from the pharmacist was another humiliation.  Did she think I was a dumb slut who had a one night stand and didn’t use protection?

    I got the instructions, grabbed the pills, and ran out of there as fast as I could. 

    When I got home, I had to get him out.

    “You can’t stay here, my cousin is coming home and I’m leaving and you have to also,” I said.

    He finally got up, I locked the door to the house behind us, and sprinted to my car.

    Just as I was reaching over to pull the driver’s side door closed, he grabbed it.

    “Are you mad at me?” he asked.

    I was scared to think how he might react, so I chose my words carefully.  If he didn’t think I was mad and he thought I blamed myself, he’d walk away without a care in the world, right?

    “No I’m mad at myself,” I said, slamming the door.

    I saw my therapist two days later.  I couldn’t even say the words, I was still in shock.  But it was clear.  I had been raped.

    I never could tell Sam all those years.  My friendship with Jon died that day but I still tried to keep my friendship with Sam separate and sustain it, even though I was dying inside.  How do you tell your best friend that her ex-boyfriend is a rapist.  Part of it, I think was that I had to admit it to myself first and accept that it happened.  How can you tell someone else and expect them to handle it when you can’t even handle it yourself.  It was more than that though.  I always had intense periods of time where I would be panic stricken because I hadn’t told her.  But that didn’t matter.  I had to deal with it and accept it myself to a certain degree before I could tell anyone else, much less her.  And my friendship with her was separate.  What did I expect if I told her?  That she would punish him?  Maybe at the time, but to tell someone something so traumatic, you need to trust them and feel like after the initial shock, that they would be able to support you.  For reasons that had nothing to do with the rape, Sam wasn’t that kind of friend to me anymore I kept telling myself up until the day we had our last blow out fight.

    Everything was about her, her problems, her life, her time.